so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
