True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
