cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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