I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
