Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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