ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
