I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
