I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
