Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I am midnight drunk by noon
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
