I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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