so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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