In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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