No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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