When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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