I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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