You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
