I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
