come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
