hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
