I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
