I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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