Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
