it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
