i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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