I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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