she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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