maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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