Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
