Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
