That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
