Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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