I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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