I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
