That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
