How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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