What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
