How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
