They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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