dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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