It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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