sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You have to summon your inner elephant
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
