So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
