just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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