its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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