whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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