I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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