Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
