What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think my fart just growled at me.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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