Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
