Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
