I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
