im drinking this country out of the recession.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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